Lately I feel disillusioned with the way people dismiss music sometimes. In particular when abstractions overshadow the raw experience. Music invites discussions about culture, genre, theory, and personal biases, but when things like that overtake the moment to moment experience, I can't help wondering if something important is being lost.

For example, Muse - a band I liked a lot in my early teens. For me, I think they're a band that reflects this. I have always felt that their music, like so much I loved growing up, carries a sense of aggrandisement. But when I was young, I wasn't really aware of that idea. Rather than aggrandising it just felt 'grand', because 'aggrandising' feels like it implies something is being imposed. Despite being older now, I still feel that the sound itself isn't really imposing anything. Or at least, it doesn't have to be.

I think music can serve as a space for lots of emotional questions to be asked. It can be like a mirror. Sometimes my past self imposes something about what I'm hearing, and it's easy to get caught up in a conversation with that past self. Those dynamics are often things I can’t help but consider as part of the music; abstracting is human. But I feel it's always worth challenging that. I find it's rewarding to do so.

For a lot of my life, I have had a strange relationship with things that I enjoy. I carry shame, and my growth has been to let go of it. Anything that tests my ability to grimace and cringe has always held a special place for me, serving as one of the strongest arguments against shame. It quietens the voice telling me to resist, because of bullshit reasons.

In the case of music, going back to the example of Muse, this would be for the way it feels like it has been so deliberately crafted to serve the purpose of feeling elated. But is that so different from so many other things?

Even when music is "bad" (which can be stimulating to think about) I think the process and attitude it holds in its creation resonates most with me. Its purpose and drive speak to my creativity, and unravel more emotions that might be there.

I also can't help but think of the people in my life who have been a part of opening up my experience of music, and art in general. I would say I was "saved" if only I knew what the alternative would've been without their influence. Some things simply make you who you are, to such an extent that you wouldn't be yourself otherwise. Some things are so monumental like that.

There will always be a gap between my perception and the sound. My experience is tangled in surrounding aspects, internal and external. Maybe some of those influences are needed in order to have any impression at all. But I know that for me, the feeling of something being irreduceable can be intoxicating.